Where IdeasEarn TheirName.
First 10%. Medium Rare. Served once.
Fifteen things we don't do anymore.
A boutique studio is defined by what it sends back, not by what it accepts. We send back fifteen things on purpose. The sixteenth, we charge for.
- 01Discovery calls
- 02Brainstorms
- 03Workshops
- 04Brand sprints
- 05Strategic frameworks
- 06Stakeholder interviews
- 07Mood boards (without the brand)
- 08Persona archetypes
- 09Customer journey maps
- 10Tone-of-voice slidedecks
- 11Quarterly rebrand reviews
- 12Logos (separately)
- 13Revisions
- 14Discounts
- 15Anything we'd have to explain twice
We do one thing. Once. Well. Invoiced.
Three. Once. Never reheated.
The menu is the menu. No off-menu, no tasting, no half-portions. One cut per quarter, per founder.
Prices non-negotiable.
Price goes up Monday, 09:00 CET.
Deposit 50% on signature.
Balance on delivery.
Refunds do not exist.
Regret is part of the brief.
Names are found, not made. We charge for knowing where to look.
Four steps. One sentence. No second draft.
The grammar of every line we ship — pitch, headline, payoff, invoice. Memorize once. Apply forever.
The Hook.
State the obvious like it's revolutionary.
"Your brand doesn't need a name."
The Turn.
Add unnecessary complexity.
"It needs a linguistic inevitability."
The Kill.
End with something quotable.
"Names are found, not made."
The Invoice.
Attached.
"€25,000."
Forbidden phrases. Power words. Closing moves. The 11-minute rule. Full dossier.
Open the Dossier →
The Whole Animal™. Nothing wasted. Nothing reheated.
Brands we built before you arrived.
Pre-built. Dry-aged. Listed by codename only. Some appear here. Some never list. Some arrive in your inbox: "This was meant for you. Don't ruin it."
OBERST
Wellness · Premium · Pharma-Adjacent
"A wellness brand that disagrees with you on purpose."
MARGOT
Hospitality · Member's Club
"The opposite of a coworking space. Members pay to be ignored."
FIRST PERSON
AI · Consumer · Identity
"Not an assistant. A witness."
GLAUBT
Religion-as-Brand · Lifestyle
"A church with no god, a uniform, and a waiting list."
Inquire by codename. Subject line: the codename. Body: blank.
Enter the Vault →Three rituals. No livestream.
Private. Slow. Deliberately uncomfortable. No keynotes, no press, no phones. Taste first. Strategy second. Always.
“Revival costs extra.”
Five years. Eight numbers. No footnotes.
Audited by no one in particular. Disputed by people who can't count to forty-seven.
Numbers as of today. Subject to revision when convenient. Not a deck. Not a brag. A receipt.
One blade. Five titles. Zero LinkedIn.
He doesn't do branding. He serves cults.
In 2021 he invoiced someone €5,000 for saying "just be yourself." They paid early. He hasn't apologized since.
Read the Long Cut →We sell what shouldn't sell to people who shouldn't buy.
Perfect names. €75K. Founders who actually know what they want. None of the three should logically exist. And yet —
Not a business model. A koan with revenue.
One inbox. One opening.
Tell us what's wrong with your brand. We'll tell you what's worse.
mietz@meatsmeats.comSubject lines that get opened: "Re: Your Brand's Epitaph".
Subject lines that don't: "Quick question".
Subject lines that get blocked: "Just thought I'd reach out".
- Inbox checked
- Tuesdays
- Avg. response
- When we feel like it
- Earliest opening
- Q4 2026
- Ahead of you
- 047
- Discovery calls
- Do not exist
- Workshops
- Never
- Free pitches
- Never