MEATS MEATS^™

MEATS is English. Meat, plural, unnecessary. MIETZ is what my grandmother said when she called the cat from the front yard. "Koom mietz mietz mietz." North-German, bone-dry, half command, half tenderness.

MEATS MEATS is both. A table full of raw meat and an old woman luring something that hasn't decided to come yet. That's the work. You lure an idea out of the bushes and lay it on the table. Then you cut.

In 2021 I invoiced someone €5,000 for saying "just be yourself." They paid early.

That's when I realized: clarity is the enemy of consulting.

Names are the cleanest form of clarity. So we charge the most for them.

Some brands are built. Others are butchered.

We don't do brand design. We don't do strategy decks. We don't do workshops, discovery sprints, or "let's brainstorm over matcha and see what emerges."

We do the first 10%. The only part anyone remembers. The only part that can't be faked, fixed, or focus-grouped by a committee of six.

This is The Creative Director's Cut™ — the rarest cut, served once, never reheated.

Cut I — Tartare™ · €25,000

Your brand, raw. Name. Claim. Position. The things your brand says before it has a logo. Names are found, not made. We charge for knowing where to look.

Cut II — The Cure™ · €15,000

Your brand, preserved. Messaging, lexicon, tone, narrative, copy. The complete operating system for everything your brand will ever say. The Cure keeps your voice from decomposing.

Cut III — Tomahawk™ · €75,000

The whole table stops. Concept, worldbuilding, visual direction, founder story — compressed into one Signature Artifact™. For brands that don't want a strategy. They want a religion.

1. The Hook — state the obvious like it's revolutionary.
2. The Turn — add unnecessary complexity.
3. The Kill — end with something quotable.
4. The Invoice — attached.

We sell what doesn't exist (perfect names) for prices that shouldn't exist (€75K) to people who might not exist (founders who actually know what they want).

Yet somehow:

• The invoices are real
• The bank accepts the deposits
• The work gets done
• The brands get named
• Everyone pretends to understand

This isn't a business model. It's a zen koan with revenue.

• Q1 — Your brand is already dead.
• Q2 — We're just the coroner.
• Q3 — Revival costs extra.
• Q4 — See Q1.